Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Memory

It was a Thursday night in late January. I remember sitting in the passenger seat of my dad’s car after a long soccer practice. Butterflies swarmed in my stomach as I became warm with excitement. Was this the release of endorphins from the running I had been doing or was this because I was finally on my way to Nicholas Ranieri’s house?
I sunk into my seat and took a deep breath. Dad caught on, “Nervous Jac?” he pat my knee and gave me a wink. I smiled. “Dad! I can’t believe we have to get these papers signed tonight! I’m still sweaty from practice—and look at my hair!” He laughed at me, as he often did, and with a sigh said, “You look beautiful to me Jacquelina.”
I was a freshman at Oaks Christian High School. It was a new school, with new friends and I had invited Nick Ranieri to be my date for my first High School dance. He was a good friend from middle school, cute, athletic, and funny.
I remember pulling into his small driveway with an excitement of the unknown bursting through my every limb. While in my baggie soccer shorts and with shin-guard lines still embedded in my calves, questions surfaced in my head as I approached his yellow house, “How long will it take for his parents to sign this permission slip? I hope the dance on Saturday is fun. What will he think of my practice uniform? Does he like me as much as I like him?”
I had never liked a boy so much in all my short teenage life. It was his friendship I valued, his caring nature, his athletic lifestyle—even the way he treated his mom. I liked his flirtatious smile, the way he would laugh with his friends, how he would send me texts about my day, and most of all I loved the way he would hug me like he really meant it.
My finger pressed the doorbell and within seconds a beautiful, smiling face opened the door, his mom welcomed my dad and me into their home with joyful and generous hugs. Their house was warm from the burning fireplace and smelled like a delicious dinner had just been served. I instantly felt at home. My feet shifted on the wood floor and turned me down a hallway where I recognized another bright smile. “Hi!” Nick said, and before I knew it I was wrapped up in another friendly embrace. “Hi!” I responded-- the butterflies in my stomach took flight once again, “I brought the permission slip you need to sign for Saturday.” “Great! I’ll have my mom take a look at that.” He passed the slip of paper to his mom and the four of us spent the next few minutes touring their home and commiserating with each other about the cold weather, and our hectic team schedules.
“Jaci,” Mrs. Ranieri began to reminisce, “I remember how busy you must have been last year playing volleyball for our middle school, while also playing club soccer. How you ever did both, I will never know!” Dad responded with his quick and witty sense of humor, “Laura and I nearly passed out from exhaustion from all the driving!” With sincere laughter Mrs. Ranieri commented, “I know the feeling!”
Midway through the conversation, Nick slipped his hand in mine and we left our parents to finish the petty details of permission slips and school liability. I followed him down another hallway to where he turned to face me, locked both my hands in his and asked me to be his girlfriend. I was elated to say, “Yes!”
Little did I know back then that this boy would never stop smiling at me. For the next seven years he would loyally and lovingly hold my hands, cheer me on, and become my best friend. Seven years after that tender Thursday night in January, the same four hands would lock together as the same, smiling boy would slip a ring on my finger and ask me to be his forever.


Friday, August 20, 2010

This Joyful Life

I RUN in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart FREE.

Psalm 119: 32


To RUN after the Lord is such a powerful image. His word speaks so powerfully. As I spent this morning gazing out over Lake Michigan, sitting with this verse alive in my hands, my heart grew full with joy. This is my God's simple life instructions to me today, this week, this year... every year... take me on this journey Lord. Im excited to run for you, after you, with you forever.


amen

Monday, August 9, 2010

Ready to Let Go

List all your fears....

All of them.

Now, tell me why you think you are not yet ready to let them go?

Friday, July 16, 2010

Hello Beautiful

"I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful."
~Author Unknown


"Beauty... when you look into a woman's eyes and see what is in her heart."
~Nate Dircks



"That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful."
~Ninon de L'Enclos



"Beauty... is the shadow of God on the universe."
~Gabriela Mistral, DesolacĂ­on


To wash the makeup off my skin, look into the mirror and not have my heart drop is true beauty. The way God made me. Even with blemishes and imperfections- HE loves me. In fact, HE doesn't care one bit how red my face is or how irritated my skin can be. He sees my heart. Even if it's broken. He wants my heart to heal; to see beauty the way he sees it. Perfection in his BELOVED creation. Gorgeous in thought. Unstained in worship. Not phased by the impossible standards of this world.


"Taking joy in living is a woman's best cosmetic."
~Rosalind Russell~

...because He meant for us to live for His eyes only. And in his eyes we are dearly loved!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Now THIS looks Good..

Oh Happy Summer.

Thank God for sisters who keep reminding me of these truths...

It's no easy feat to focus on truth. I infer, interpret and boldly assume dangerously loaded meanings that are not directly communicated. This week I've been challenged to stop wasting my emotional energy on reading in-between the lines. With this change of focus freedom, freedom, FREEDOM REIGNS... and I am happily willing to continue in this simplistic way of life--thinking only on what I know to be true.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

STOP reading between the L. I. n E s

"whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:8

Okay, I'm going to try this... like for real.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Missing Somebody

Sometimes you don't realize how much you miss somebody until you reunite with them and come to the sudden and urgent realization that your life is just not the same without them in it.

Sometimes you do realize how much you miss somebody. You are ever so painfully aware that they are not present.

Which one is better?

None.

I miss many people--in many ways. but most of all... I miss you.

I miss holding hands and looking at each other when we talk. I miss remembering what it feels like to tell you stories while your hands are on my back. I miss your laugh as the lightbulb goes on... I miss your friendship. Daily companionship. source of love.

When will this season be over? The season of waiting for him to come home... probably never. When will this season be over? This season of missing him so much my body aches...

I hope soon.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

"Most Sisters don't, but WE DO and we LIKE it."

I have 2 sisters. Soul-filling, heart warming, laugh-inspiring. SISTERS. The kind who have every line of my face memorized so that when something is out of place-- well, lets just say there are never any secrets. Syllables can be uttered, but feelings are discovered long before language can be put to use. It's as if, from birth, our hearts were sewn together, woven in such a fashion that the pain of one, would pain the others, every joy would excite each other, and all three hearts would bond forever.


I would be so lost without them. lost in panic. lost in lies. lost in self-doubt, self discovery, and selfishness.

With sisterhood comes lifelong commitment. lifelong friendship. lifelong BLISS
This sisterhood was born to set me free... All doubt Banished- pushing me to be no.one.else.but.ME.

Thank you my sisters.

I love you.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

A Breeze

There's definitely a reason for all things. I learn this daily by looking back on life. Through all the choices I've made there has been a divine purpose that fills my lungs with fresh breathe. It's like a breeze that surprises me, a cool one that quietly and boldly sweeps me off of any expectations I was standing on.

As I was driving to my first day as a new Intern for a fancy company this subtle whisper...came to me, "You are my child who I gave life to and who I plan life for and who I have a purpose to give. Everything you have done in life so far has had purpose. My purpose. It will not leave you, no matter where you go. I have plans for you. Good ones. Just look at the details I have perfectly woven together...Just wait and see what I have in store for you. Follow me and you will never need to worry and you will certainly never be bored." I smiled. Took a deep breath. and remembered these words as having a familiar ring....."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." yep definitely another divine whisper. Jeremiah 29.11



Driving down the 405, smog or no smog I was at peace-- happy and grateful for such a God, with such a plan. May He receive all the Glory for whatever comes of this short life he has given me to live.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Dust.



We came from the dust of this earth and someday, we will go back to the same dust. this must be the reason why peace comes from the sensation of each mineral under one's skin. Every grain of sand exfoliates and rejuvenates. the Lord's good earth is powerful. In sand the waves crash, the child plays, my feet relax.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Coming Home

Coming Home is like a breath of fresh air. Even through the smog, the hustle and bustle of LAX, through the busy crowds and racing people--I feel at ease. This is what is familiar to me. I see a little girl, curls in her petite ponytail, a smile on her face, a playful bounce in her young steps, and as I watch her gaze up at her strong and all-knowing daddy, I am reminded of my childlike state. Within minuets I experience my version of this little girl's bouncing, smiling, dependent and endearing little world. The Hawaiian Islands deliver me back home-safe and sound....

As I say goodbye to BEST friends, I say hello to SOULmates-- I step down from a green curb and squeeze him. His arms hold me. His hands are familiar, his embrace brings home, summer, excitement, joy and balance flooding into my little world. I jump into a crowded car. Kiss my daddy, smooch my sisters, and unabashedly embrace my mother. THIS is where I belong.

THIS night was a small whisper, "Thank you Lord for the family I have, the friends you have blessed me with, the opportunities you have provided me, the love you share. Thank you for every hug, smile, laugh and comfort in my life. Thank you for knowing me, much better than I know myself. Thank you Lord."