One thing I learned from the ER

Last Tuesday night I spent 10 hours in the ER for what ended up being a very painful—but hardly fatal burst of a cyst on my ovary. (Apparently these little buggers are fairly common). My experiences in the Emergency Room may someday elicit an entire book of stories within itself. I could write about how the elderly Asian man sitting next to me in the lab-room had what seemed like an excruciating “pregnant” belly, or how the male nurse who took my blood cautioned me that pain in my lower right abdomen could be my appendix and if I were not on the operating table at the time of the unfortunate explosion my chances of survival would be slim to none. There was a nice man who snuck me ice cubes since I hadn’t been allowed water in almost 6 hours and the woman who whispered in my ear, “don’t worry girl, I saw your ultrasound results and you are not pregnant.” Then there was my husband, who was kind enough to not only walk me to the restroom, but also place me on the toilet seat itself.

After 10 hours (8 of which I was forbidden to see my husband), 12 large needles, 6 examines, 2 ultrasounds and one physician’s assistant later...Hubby and I limped our way out of the Long Beach Hospital only to realize that parking was $5 and we had no cash. As I sat myself lop-sided (the butt- shot hurt the worst) in the passenger seat of our rumbling truck waiting for Nick to find an ATM; my eyes fixated on the blurry- florescent-green clock blinking 4:00am. It was then that I realized: Nick put that paper toilet seat cover on differently than I had always done it.

Wait a minute…

I think he’s right!

hello beautiful, it's been a while.

writing challenges me.
writing exhilarates me.
writing used to define me.

now- 7 months after graduation writing has quit me.
Or have I quit putting my pen to paper?

hello again blank pages, challenge accepted.

prepare for some ink.

cheers to pursuing depth, hope, hilarity and curiosity through the brutality of honest writing...

Memory

It was a Thursday night in late January. I remember sitting in the passenger seat of my dad’s car after a long soccer practice. Butterflies swarmed in my stomach as I became warm with excitement. Was this the release of endorphins from the running I had been doing or was this because I was finally on my way to Nicholas Ranieri’s house?
I sunk into my seat and took a deep breath. Dad caught on, “Nervous Jac?” he pat my knee and gave me a wink. I smiled. “Dad! I can’t believe we have to get these papers signed tonight! I’m still sweaty from practice—and look at my hair!” He laughed at me, as he often did, and with a sigh said, “You look beautiful to me Jacquelina.”
I was a freshman at Oaks Christian High School. It was a new school, with new friends and I had invited Nick Ranieri to be my date for my first High School dance. He was a good friend from middle school, cute, athletic, and funny.
I remember pulling into his small driveway with an excitement of the unknown bursting through my every limb. While in my baggie soccer shorts and with shin-guard lines still embedded in my calves, questions surfaced in my head as I approached his yellow house, “How long will it take for his parents to sign this permission slip? I hope the dance on Saturday is fun. What will he think of my practice uniform? Does he like me as much as I like him?”
I had never liked a boy so much in all my short teenage life. It was his friendship I valued, his caring nature, his athletic lifestyle—even the way he treated his mom. I liked his flirtatious smile, the way he would laugh with his friends, how he would send me texts about my day, and most of all I loved the way he would hug me like he really meant it.
My finger pressed the doorbell and within seconds a beautiful, smiling face opened the door, his mom welcomed my dad and me into their home with joyful and generous hugs. Their house was warm from the burning fireplace and smelled like a delicious dinner had just been served. I instantly felt at home. My feet shifted on the wood floor and turned me down a hallway where I recognized another bright smile. “Hi!” Nick said, and before I knew it I was wrapped up in another friendly embrace. “Hi!” I responded-- the butterflies in my stomach took flight once again, “I brought the permission slip you need to sign for Saturday.” “Great! I’ll have my mom take a look at that.” He passed the slip of paper to his mom and the four of us spent the next few minutes touring their home and commiserating with each other about the cold weather, and our hectic team schedules.
“Jaci,” Mrs. Ranieri began to reminisce, “I remember how busy you must have been last year playing volleyball for our middle school, while also playing club soccer. How you ever did both, I will never know!” Dad responded with his quick and witty sense of humor, “Laura and I nearly passed out from exhaustion from all the driving!” With sincere laughter Mrs. Ranieri commented, “I know the feeling!”
Midway through the conversation, Nick slipped his hand in mine and we left our parents to finish the petty details of permission slips and school liability. I followed him down another hallway to where he turned to face me, locked both my hands in his and asked me to be his girlfriend. I was elated to say, “Yes!”
Little did I know back then that this boy would never stop smiling at me. For the next seven years he would loyally and lovingly hold my hands, cheer me on, and become my best friend. Seven years after that tender Thursday night in January, the same four hands would lock together as the same, smiling boy would slip a ring on my finger and ask me to be his forever.

This Joyful Life

I RUN in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart FREE.

Psalm 119: 32


To RUN after the Lord is such a powerful image. His word speaks so powerfully. As I spent this morning gazing out over Lake Michigan, sitting with this verse alive in my hands, my heart grew full with joy. This is my God's simple life instructions to me today, this week, this year... every year... take me on this journey Lord. Im excited to run for you, after you, with you forever.


amen

Ready to Let Go

List all your fears....

All of them.

Now, tell me why you think you are not yet ready to let them go?

Hello Beautiful

"I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful."
~Author Unknown


"Beauty... when you look into a woman's eyes and see what is in her heart."
~Nate Dircks



"That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful."
~Ninon de L'Enclos



"Beauty... is the shadow of God on the universe."
~Gabriela Mistral, Desolacíon


To wash the makeup off my skin, look into the mirror and not have my heart drop is true beauty. The way God made me. Even with blemishes and imperfections- HE loves me. In fact, HE doesn't care one bit how red my face is or how irritated my skin can be. He sees my heart. Even if it's broken. He wants my heart to heal; to see beauty the way he sees it. Perfection in his BELOVED creation. Gorgeous in thought. Unstained in worship. Not phased by the impossible standards of this world.


"Taking joy in living is a woman's best cosmetic."
~Rosalind Russell~

...because He meant for us to live for His eyes only. And in his eyes we are dearly loved!

Now THIS looks Good..

Oh Happy Summer.